You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing
you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then
take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a
gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government takes them, shoots one, milks the other,
pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on
the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You
are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to
lunch. Life is good.
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on
unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You then see a
beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have
some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th five year plan in the
last three months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them
because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them
and claim a U.S. bomb blew them up while they were in the hospit al.
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking
one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't
figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state
tell you which is the best-looking cow